The Most Embarrassing Thing I Did to Try and Get Pregnant

Today we’re talking about the weirdest, least scientific, most embarrassing things we’ve done to try and get pregnant. From the holistic and innocuous to the expensive and other-worldly…

Lie with your feet up in the air after sex. 

Have an orgasm.

Eat pineapple core.

We’ve all heard a variety of silly, unscientific fertility myths…there are literally thousands out there.

As someone who spent three full years trying to get pregnant, let me tell you…that stuff is elementary compared to some of the batshit crazy stuff I tried in my desperation to get pregnant.

I wanted control. I wanted answers. I wanted some kind of clue or cosmic evidence from the universe that things would “work out” for us. So I was very open-minded.

Looking back, the laundry list of things I tried in my attempt to get pregnant is long and winding, expensive and completely ridiculous. It’s insane to me that an educated, rational, 33-year-old woman spent money on so many “experiments” ranging from optimistically holistic to down-right batty.

Things started out normal-ish. I watched my diet (decreasing my sugar intake and increasing my healthy fats and vegetables). I started going to acupuncture every other week. I went to an awesome fertility-specific yoga workshop here in Minneapolis. I downloaded a great fertility meditation app.

But that was just the beginning. There was nothing I wouldn’t try…

Here’s a slightly longer list:

  • I went to a psychic
  • I got a vaginal steam
  • I bought fertility crystals
  • I tried castor oil packs
  • I got my energy cleared

But the WEIRDEST thing I did was at the request of my Mayan Massage Therapist the day before my first frozen embryo transfer.

For those might not know, Maya Massage is a really great option to help treat infertility and/or cramps, endometriosis, pregnancy, postpartum issues and so much more. It focuses on external, non-invasive abdominal massages that help reposition organs and increase blood flow and chi. It’s an ancient healing technique and I am IN LOVE with my Mayan Massage Therapist. I started going to her before beginning IVF (in early 2016) and found her knowledge to be quite extensive and her energy to be quite healing…

Flash forward to June 23, 2017…the day before my first Frozen Embryo Transfer. I was freakin petrified…scared of the procedure not working. Scared of our blastocysts not thawing right. Not sure what to expect.

After my regular treatment, my Mayan Abdominal Massage Therapist handed me a fresh bouquet of herbs. They smelled like heaven…to this day I’m not quite sure what they were…citrusy and bright, they immediately made my senses perk up. And then my Mayan Abdominal Massage Therapist gave me VERY SPECIFIC instructions: she told me to tuck the bouquet into my bra or underwear and carry it around skin-to-skin the rest of that day. She said to then sleep with the bouquet tucked under my pillow, wake up the next morning (the day of my frozen embryo transfer) and burry the bouquet in my backyard. She didn’t tell me why. She didn’t say what would happen if I didn’t do this. She didn’t explain the rationale behind it all…and I didn’t ask.

At first, I rolled my eyes. I thought how dumb the whole thing was and if the transfer wasn’t going to work it wouldn’t be because I didn’t burry some herbs in my backyard. But as the day wore on, I realized that burying the herbs in the backyard wasn’t going to HURT my chances of getting pregnant. Might as well just do what she said.

Of course I didn’t tell my husband ANY of this. I knew he’d laugh or eyeroll or talk me out of it. But I knew I wanted to do it. Even if it didn’t work or help…I knew I wanted to go into the transfer with an optimistic heart and an open mind.

So I did what my Mayan Massage Therapist told me to do.

Now, I’m not saying the REASON my embryo transfer worked was because I buried some weird herbs in my backyard. Or that it was because I had acupuncture the day of my transfer. Or because I cut out caffeine and alcohol. Who knows why any of this stuff works or doesn’t work…

If I’ve learned anything from infertility, it’s that you can do everything “right” and not get pregnant or you can do everything “wrong” and still somehow manage to get pregnant. All any of us can do is try our best to participate in the practices that we believe will make us healthier in body, mind and spirit. That crack open our hearts and let us make room for hope.

Ok, your turn…what’s the most embarrassing thing you’ve ever done on your journey to try and get pregnant?

Sign up to comment

If you already have a Fruitful account, please log in.