That One Time I Got a Vaginal Steam…

You read that right…I actually went and got a “vaginal steam” in an attempt to try and treat my infertility with a more holistic approach. It was surreal, bizarre and oddly refreshing.

Today I had my first vaginal steam. And this my friends, means I’ve officially entered the “Crazy” portion of this trying to conceive show. It’s the phase in which I become so desperate and so WILLING TO TRY ANYTHING that I push down the cynical, sarcastic, Haterade part of my personality DEEP down and get all Voodoo-Healer-Ancient-Mystic-Earth-Mother.

Maybe next I’ll weave a dream catcher or do some light smudging. In all seriousness, I’ve been feeling ready to try a more holistic approach to my fertility health.

So I went to a holistic healer earlier this week for a Mayan Abdominal Massage and it was really great (slightly awkward at moments, but left me feeling awesome). The healer was kind and warm. We talked about my childhood, my fertility struggles, my emotional and physical challenges. And then she got me on the table where she pushed and pulled me like silly puddy. She felt that my tailbone was out of whack (and whacked it back into whack). She gave me some natural nerve tonic to use in water and help calm my anxious mind. She also told me to come back and do two vaginal steams on day 12 and 15 of this cycle.

So today was day 12. My vaginal steam began with me carefully teetering on a plastic orange vaporizer. It looked really unstable, which made me nervous. So then I started thinking that much larger women than I must have sat on this thing and been ok…then I started getting weirded out by how many other vaginas this steamer has steamed. Then I wondered if this really worked. Or was I just being punked? Or am I just a sucker who threw away $50.

Who knows. All I know is it lasted 30 minutes and there were moments that felt relaxing and moments where hot steam was practically scorching my most delicate, carnal parts. The whole process was so physical and so otherworldly and so…meaningless…all at once.

If nothing more, it was definitely an experience. And I got to see this beautiful tapestry hanging in their office…which definitely struck a cord and was very much needed by my fragile soul this week…

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