November 3, 2008. I remember this day so crystal clearly. It was the day I found out our third round of IVF had failed. Despite having a positive pregnancy test on this round of IVF, our ultrasound appointment that day, showed baby no longer had a heartbeat.
This wasn’t the first time we’d had this outcome, our first round of IVF went exactly the same way. We tested positive for pregnancy, we were elated, yet a few weeks later we would discover baby’s heart was no longer beating. It never occurred to us that we would test positive, only to later find out we miscarried. That first time around, it just wasn’t on the table of options, boy or girl were on that table, due-ish dates were out there, even names, but miscarriage was not even a thought. I was stunned, and felt naïve. I remember the nurse’s words to me. She was kind, and compassionate, “I’m so sorry you lost your baby.” I still feel that statement in my heart. As much as she graced me with her compassion, it was the moment that first loss became real for me.
We would go on to have a multitude of losses through the process of trying to conceive; multiple miscarriages, loss of control, loss of power, loss of connection to our bodies. We jumped on a speeding freight train when we decided to move forward into fertility treatments. We would discover from an RE’s perspective that our list of “issues” was long; so long it kept stacking the odds against us. Age, low FSH, autoimmunity, sperm health challenges and more.
On that day though, the day we found out we had a third loss. Something shifted. I had this moment where my whole trajectory in life changed. It shifted in a deep and profound way, unlike anything in my life before. On the day we found out about our third loss, I had an epiphany when we were driving home. I remember the street corner we were on, the car we were in, the route we were driving home from the fertility clinic.
That crystal clear day, I turned to my husband in the car and said, “I know we are not the only ones going through this, but it really feels like it. I am going to create a circle for women that are going through infertility. I am going to take our infertility experience and my yoga teaching experience, and meld the two together into a workshop for women.”
That day, I created the workshop I wanted to take. The workshop I wanted to heal in, practice yoga in, and the workshop I wanted to find support and education in. It was the place where I wanted to slow time down, to understand things on a deeper level, to ask questions to women who “get it,” and to explore options. To learn of tool boxes that were yet unexplored, and to have that connection to other women, that was full, heartfelt and genuine.
In early 2009, I gave birth to what is now my Fertility Yoga 8 Week Workshop. This circle of love, support, education, and healing came to fruition. Eight weeks of stress reduction, nutrition, yoga, connection, and empowerment. Eight weeks of transformation, life-long friendships, and the ability to reconnect with your own body. I have been honored and humbled to work with hundreds of women and their partners having fertility challenges, or infertility through this workshop and beyond.
I’ve always felt like my story was your story. It’s why I choose to help women conceive, and why I truly believe it is my heart and soul work. Each day I am grateful and humbled to do this work.
If you’re local to Minneapolis, join me in my next Fertility Yoga 8 Week Workshop.
To learn more about my 8 week program or to register, just click here.