It’s Time for a (Fertility Culture) Change

While the fertility community can be a supportive place, it can also be filled with toxic messages that we subconsciously internalize, “Be positive!” “Try harder. “Don’t jinx it!” Nicole Lange, founder of The Baby You Want and acupuncturist at Life Healing Life, shares her thoughts on the dysfunctional parts of fertility culture and how we can turn them around.

Whether you see it or not, there is a “culture of infertility,” that we’re all steeped in. The culture is a lot like the air we breathe – easy to take for granted, easy to miss and rarely, if ever, examined, much less challenged. And yet, like the air we breathe, it absolutely and dramatically shapes our experiences and lives.

If we began to notice this culture, here are just FIVE things I think we’d all start to see…

Infertility culture…

  1. Tells us we need to suffer more and feel worse if we really want a baby. It’ll all be worth it right?
  2. Encourages us to “be positive,” “just believe,” and “never give up”- even when the odds aren’t in our favor and we’re grieving! Don’t you dare let the universe hear you being a downer or you’ll jinx it.
  3. Suggests (and sometimes straight-up tell us) that we’re broken, missing something or incomplete, and we’ll be lucky if someone or something can “fix us” and make us whole.
  4. Urges us to work harder, try harder and do more. Sure this is a legit medical condition and every bit as biological as having cancer, but somehow we’re told it’s all about effort.
  5. Implies that we need to put our lives on hold, become fertility martyrs and just “get through this,” and then we can go back to living our lives when this is over – our joy, purpose, career, mental health, friendships are all sacrifices we’re expected to make.

Here’s the thing though, just because the culture of infertility is as ubiquitous as the air around us, doesn’t mean it’s right or helping or serving us or our fertility goals one bit. In fact it’s doing just the opposite – it hurts us. It leaves us feeling threatened and not only damages our quality of life and our relationships and our mental health, but it also empirically decreases our fertility in legit biological ways. I’m talking endocrine function, nervous system, blood flow and more.

Of course all of this sucks, but there’s good news! While we might be stuck breathing the air that surrounds us, we absolutely do have a choice whether or not we take in this culture of infertility. Seeing it is step one! We can see it, we can recognize what it’s actually doing, and we can actively reject it and demand better.

We can actively create a new fertility culture that says…

  1. We are suffering in a gazillion different multifaceted ways and we deserve compassion. Every single way we could suffer less instead of more counts (Hello, Fruitful!)
  2. It’s okay for us to feel and grieve and express all our human thoughts and feelings. Sure, IVF is hopeful but it’s also brutally hard. Honoring it all is healthy and won’t jinx a thing!
  3. We are whole and perfect and wonderful (and yes, could use a little work too), but that’s because our bodies are complicated. That’s not a “problem,” that’s being human!
  4. It’s totally okay not to work so hard. This isn’t effort based. In fact, doing less, setting boundaries and resting aren’t “taking a break,” they’re key to getting more healthy and fertile.
  5. Instead of “just getting through this” and putting your whole life on hold, it’s so much better to do what makes right here and right now the best and most balanced it can be – even if it’s uphill and imperfect. Tending to our joy, our lives, our relationships and more is good (and good for our fertility too!)

This is a rallying cry for a fertility culture that serves us! You very well still may need fertility treatments, infertility is a real medical condition after all – but your infertility experience can be so much less traumatic and your whole life can be so much better on so many levels.

If you’re ready for a fertility culture change, I invite you to sign up for a free video that explores what I consider the single biggest infertility culture reframe and three huge supporting ideas. I promise they’ll change your infertility experience – and the greater fertility culture too. If you love the free video and are craving even more, I’ve created an entire online program that I believe is going to change the world. It’s called, The Baby You Want, as in the one that’s born from health and abundance and into a fabulous life and world. The free video and more info on the entire program are at


Nicole Lange has exclusively supported those struggling with fertility and trauma in her private acupuncture practice, Life Healing Life since 2006 ( On her quest to serve others and heal her own trauma, she quickly realized that acupuncture is a powerful reset button, but ideas and education are where lasting health and enduring change happen. She's thrilled to share all the ideas and education she is most passionate about in her new online fertility and world-changing program, The Baby You Want (

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