When you are going through the thick of infertility, you feel like you’re the only woman in the world who is broken. Writing has been an outlet of mine since a very young age. It’s just the way that I feel most comfortable expressing myself.
At the beginning of our journey, I felt so uncomfortable speaking up about the fact that my husband, Kerry, and I were trying to conceive. It was almost like we were ashamed of wanting to be parents. That feeling of being ashamed or embarrassed is actually what inspired me to start blogging in the first place. I remember thinking to myself “why do I feel this way? I have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.”
Blogging about my experience with infertility and miscarriage was never on my list of things that I wanted to do in life. I actually started writing about my frustrations with trying to conceive when we were about six months into our fertility journey. Through a Weebly account, I started journaling my cycles, sharing my ovulation symptoms, my two-week-wait frustrations and ultimately when my home pregnancy test would be negative. At the time, I didn’t really have anyone reading this blog. It was more for me to vent and have a safe space to be negative.
In addition to my personal blog, I also created a separate and anonymous Instagram account. When I first created this account, I had no idea there was a community of women on a social media platform looking for support. It was really the first time that I realized that this feeling that I had was normal and that I wasn’t alone. (Today you can follow me on this IG account).
Over the course of the next six months to a year, I continued to blog, but I ventured out and stopped journaling and started trying products along with writing tips and such. Blogging kind of forced me to look inward and figure out how to navigate my fertility journey without losing my mind, without my marriage falling apart and in a way that didn’t hurt my mental health. Even though the topics that I share are heartbreaking, I am so thankful that I opened that first account and started writing on a website.
In October 2018 after my first miscarriage I decided to pull the curtain back and basically come out of the “I’m infertile” closet. I showed my face on the blog and Instagram account for the very first time, added my name to the bio section and stopped hiding from the outside world. That’s also when Hello Warrior was born. I invested in a real website, a nice looking tech savvy site and got to work.
Instead of having a personal journal or just a personal blog, I wanted to help other women share their story through infertility and/or loss. Now, Hello Warrior, is a growing resource for women during any stage of their journey to motherhood. As my journey continues to progress, so does the content that I offer on the blog, but infertility and miscarriage will always be a main focus.
While blogging is not the way I earn my living, it is the most fulfilling work I’ve ever done. Every time I respond to a comment or an email, my heart feels like this is where I was meant to be. The thought that through my trials, I can connect with other women who felt as lonely as I once felt makes my journey just seem worth it. I’ve handed out my cell phone number so women can text me through their at-home miscarriage, I’ve reminded women that it’s ok not to be ok all the time.
The truth is that this journey is hard. It’s often long and not at all what we expected so there is a lot of confusion there. In school we are taught that if you have sex, you get pregnant. No one teaches you what happens when you are older and want to get pregnant but seemingly can’t do so. My hope is that the readers of Hello Warrior leave my website feeling less alone, more educated and like they have a safe place to go when they need extra support.